Your Fairy Godmother

“Oh, well, what’s a royal ball? I suppose it would be frightfully dull, and boring, and completely… completely wonderful.”

– Cinderella

When I was a little kid, every once in a while I would have this dream that I was adopted and a Fairy Godmother would come and make me a princess.

Unfortunately, I learned very early in life that my parents were much to kind to ever be my evil-stepparents and my dreams of being a princess went out the window.

Tomorrow my little sister gets to be a princess and I'm going to miss it. She gets to go to a fancy ball wearing a fancy dress and fancy gloves. Right now she is at the rehearsal dinner with my mom and dad. Yep, she also gets to go a fancy rehearsal dinner. And she didn't even have to be saved by a fairy godmother.

Regardless, I have decided to take it upon myself to be her fairy godmother and share with her some of Miss Manner's wisdom that I'm fairly certain will be overlooked at her rehearsal dinner.

Fun Manners Lesson #3: "[W]hite eighteen-button gloves must be white or whitish. For ladies, that is. For strippers, black mesh is probably better, and black mesh with appliquéd sequins even better.

Got that? No black mesh with appliquéd sequin gloves tomorrow.

Unfortunately, eighteen-button gloves don't actually have eighteen buttons on them. So what is a button you ask?

Fun Manners Lesson #4: "[The] button is a standard measurement of approximately one inch. The approximate part is because it is a French standard of measurement.

Yep, that sounds like the French.

Fun Manners Lesson #5:

Q: Exactly how are eighteen-button gloves peeled off?

A: The answer to how they are peeled off is - with slow drama...Properly done, this should hypnotize every gentleman at the table - as ladies and strippers both know. 

This sounds like something that should be practiced ahead of time. And if you need more detailed information on what exactly 'slow drama' is, you should refer to the bottom of page 636 in Miss Manner's Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior.

And finally, a little advice from Cinderella:

Have faith in your dreams and someday your rainbow will come smiling through. No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing, the dream that you wish will come true.

And remember, even miracles take a little time.